At every one, without exception, I heard one thing:<\/p>\n
writers complaining.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s an easy habit to fall into. This isn\u2019t a cushy career, by any means. We have a number of challenges in front of us, from the blank page to the rejection letters to the overwhelming prospect of marketing a published work.<\/p>\n
Plus, it\u2019s not often that we get to share our frustrations with other writers\u2014the only ones that understand.<\/p>\n
I get it, and I\u2019ve been part of those conversations, but they always make me feel a little uncomfortable. Within a very short time, I usually either change the subject or excuse myself.<\/p>\n
I believe that our thoughts and words can create our reality. Too much wallowing in the difficulty of our chosen occupation and pretty soon that\u2019s all we see\u2014how difficult it is. It\u2019s only a short step from there to seeing ourselves as unable to overcome that difficulty.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s about as low as we can get.<\/p>\n
So this Thanksgiving holiday, I\u2019m wishing every writer the one thing we really need to not only succeed, but to stay healthy doing it:<\/p>\n
A grateful spirit.<\/p>\n
Growing up, most of us were told that it was good to be grateful. We were admonished when we didn\u2019t eat our peas because children in Ethiopia were starving, and we should be grateful for the food in front of us.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, that sort of teaching may have left many of us with the feeling that being grateful was something we \u201cshould\u201d do, like going to church or cleaning the bathroom, instead of something we could enjoy and benefit from.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s true that being grateful is good for us\u2014perhaps even better than those peas. In a 2003 study, for example, scientists found that participants who wrote every day about what they were grateful for were more optimistic, felt better about their lives, and were 25 percent happier than those who had written about their daily irritations. They also exercised more and made fewer visits to the doctor\u2019s office.<\/p>\n
Other studies have shown similar results. Breast cancer patients who reported higher levels of gratefulness also experienced less anxiety, depression, and irritability than those who reported lower levels. Insomniacs who scored higher on a gratitude questionnaire were more likely to report superior sleep quality, and also more likely to report positive emotions right before falling asleep, than those who scored lower on the gratitude questionnaires.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen falling asleep,\u201d the researchers wrote, \u201cgrateful people are less likely to think negative and worrying thoughts, and more likely to think positive thoughts. It appears that negative pre-sleep cognitions impair sleep, and gratitude reduces the likelihood of such thoughts, protecting sleep quality.\u201d<\/p>\n
Research is also underway to see how gratitude may reduce the risk of heart disease and boost the immune system.<\/p>\n
But how can a daily gratitude practice help writers?<\/p>\n
In addition to helping us sleep better, reducing stress and anxiety, and potentially boosting the immune system, practicing gratitude on a regular basis can help us better cope with the stress of our careers.<\/p>\n
A 2006 study, for instance, looked at how gratitude affected the health and well being of Vietnam War veterans, some suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Daily gratitude exercises (such as thanking a partner for cooking a meal) were associated with more experiences of \u201cfeeling good.\u201d<\/p>\n
In fact, when researchers correlated feelings of gratitude with well being, they found that \u201cwhenever one veteran\u2019s well-being was different from that of another, as much as 65 percent of the factors that produced that difference was attributable to his experience of gratitude,\u201d according to the Washington Post.<\/i><\/p>\n
Personally, I have found gratitude to be a lifesaver when it comes to living the writer\u2019s life. Some things\u2014like how well people are going to like our books\u2014are just out of our control, and we have to find a way to deal with that. Gratitude helps a lot.<\/p>\n
I often play this game with myself. I create a \u201cworst-case\u201d scenario in which:<\/p>\n
Before I signed my publishing contracts, this list used to include not being published at all.<\/p>\n
At first glance, this seems like a pretty bleak future for any writer, especially after investing years of hard work into (hopefully) producing the exact opposite.<\/p>\n
But it\u2019s possible. We all hear stories every day of amazing artists that faded into obscurity. I\u2019m positive that right now, there are a number of creative geniuses out there that few of us even know exist.<\/p>\n
If this worst-case scenario were to occur, then, how would I deal with it?<\/p>\n
My answer comes back to something my grandmother said to me once. She passed away in 1995, but she knew then that I hoped for a writing career. We had a conversation where I told her about my early attempts to create stories, and about the time I was investing in this dream of mine. It seemed a pie-in-the-sky sort of thing to me\u2014the idea that I might ever become a published writer\u2014and at times I got wrapped up in the discouragement of it all, so I was surprised by her comment.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re very lucky,\u201d she said. \u201cVery lucky.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was confused. I wasn\u2019t published. I wasn\u2019t even close to it. So how was I lucky?<\/p>\n
I looked into her blue eyes and saw\u2026what? A wish, maybe? Had my grandmother longed to be a writer? Or was it just the idea that I could go after a dream\u2014something that maybe she had never been able to do?<\/p>\n
Grandma lived the life of a farmer\u2019s wife. She and my grandfather ran a dairy farm in New York, and their lives revolved around the well being of a number of Holstein cows. When my grandfather had to take construction jobs to make ends meet, Grandma, my mother, and my aunt took over the farming chores. Grandma also raised a killer garden, and cooked delicious meals.<\/p>\n
That didn\u2019t leave a lot of time for pursuing artistic dreams.<\/p>\n
Women of that generation were also less likely than women of today to get any support for developing talents outside of homemaking.<\/p>\n
In my grandmother\u2019s eyes, I was lucky\u2014not to make a living off my books, not to receive stellar reviews, and not even to have a publishing contract\u2014but just to be able to go after my dream.<\/p>\n
I had never thought of it that way.<\/p>\n
But I have every day since.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not saying that being grateful is something we \u201cshould\u201d do to be good people. I\u2019m saying that it benefits us, as writers, to remember what we\u2019re grateful for.<\/p>\n
Next time you\u2019re feeling frustrated by the difficulty of the marketplace, for example, discouraged because of low royalty payments, or upset because of a rejection letter, take a few minutes to jot down 5-10 things you\u2019re grateful for.<\/p>\n
Not because you should. Because it will help.<\/p>\n
Better yet, studies show that practicing gratitude on a daily basis\u2014such as making lists, writing thank-you notes, and expressing gratitude to others\u2014is your best option when it comes to improving mood, health, and well being.<\/p>\n
Sometimes it\u2019s not easy. Things can definitely go wrong, and it\u2019s discouraging. Our feelings of gratitude may need a little more coaxing, as Dale Biron says in this quote from his wonderful poem, \u201cGratefulness:\u201d<\/p>\n
Each day the engine of my gratefulness
\nmust be coaxed and primed into action.
\nOf course like any old clunker,
\nit would just as soon stay put.<\/p>\n
(read the rest here<\/span><\/a><\/span>)<\/p>\n But even on the worst of days, we can find something to be grateful for: the food in our bellies, the roof over our heads, the fact that those we love are near. And taking a few moments to list these things can really help improve our outlook, and give us the resilience we need to power through.<\/p>\n Barbara Crooker says it perfectly in her poem, \u201cAll that is glorious around us\u201d (from Radiance<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/span>). It expresses how we can so often take everyday blessings for granted, and how remembering to be grateful can turn an ordinary day into something extraordinary.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, wishing a happy and warm Thanksgiving to all readers of Writing and Wellness. I\u2019m grateful for you!<\/p>\n All that is glorious around us<\/b><\/p>\n is not, for me, these grand vistas, sublime peaks, mist-filled (read the rest of this lovely poem here<\/span><\/a><\/span>)<\/p>\n Do you find it helps to count your blessings when you\u2019re feeling discouraged? Please share what you\u2019re grateful for.<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Sources Chiara Ruini, Francesca Vescovelli, \u201cThe Role of Gratitude in Breast Cancer: It\u2019s Relationships with Post-traumatic Growth, Psychological Well-Being and Distress,\u201d Journal of Happiness Studies<\/i>, March 2013; 14(1):263-274, http:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007%2Fs10902-012-9330-x<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Alex M. Wood, et al., \u201cGratitude influences sleep through the mechanism of pre-sleep cognitions,\u201d Journal of Psychosomatic Research<\/i>, 66 (2009): 43-48, http:\/\/ggsc-web02.ist.berkeley.edu\/images\/application_uploads\/Wood-GratitudeSleep.pdf<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Kashdan, TB, \u201cGratitude and hedonic and eudaimonic well-being in Vietnam war veterans,\u201d Behav Res Ther., <\/i>February 2006; 44(2):177-99, http:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pubmed\/16389060<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n
\noverlooks, towering clouds, but doing errands on a day
\nof driving rain, staying dry inside the silver skin of the car,
\n160,000 miles, still running just fine. Or later,
\nsitting in a caf\u00e9 warmed by the steam
\nfrom white chicken chili, two cups of dark coffee,
\nwatching the red and gold leaves race down the street,\u2026<\/p>\n
\n
\nEmmons RA, McCullough ME, \u201cCounting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life,\u201d J Pers Soc Psychol., <\/i>February 2003; 84(2):377-89, http:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pubmed\/12585811<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n